The music that moves me

Just listen, you'll get it.

The hurt. . .

Sitting here listening to music. Everything sounds like a sad love song to me. I should be working but what is work right now? Nothing really makes sense to me. I let myself get over him with optimism. I believed that what was meant to be would be eventually and if not, it just want meant to be at all. But to find out it was all a big lie just hurts. I would have loved to hold on to the imagined truth that it all ended on a good note. That he was actually a good person. That what we once shared some something real and true. It wasn't. It was like a big joke and I was the butt of it all. So my emotions are changing. I went from calm to sad and now I am just angry. I think I deserve and explanation. I spent time building something that fell apart. Maybe I need to work on my architectural skills. I know there is nothing about me that needs to change. I just keep meeting the wrong partners. It would be really easy for me to turn into the biggest bitch and blow off every guy who glanced at me. But I still don't think all men are dogs. I think all the men I've messed with where fucked up! Had nothing to do with me. You know when things don't work out the way you plan them you start to question whether things went downhill because of something you did. I refuse to blame myself! I stayed true threw all of this. I just wish yesterday didn't happen. I wish she never called me. I wish she had suffered in silence. I wish my heart wasn't aching. I wish I could cry this way. I just wish. But wishing doesn't work. This has to be part of his plan for me. Maybe something really good will come of all of this. I got rid of the cancer and I think I will remain in remission as long as he's on the other side of the country. Things like this do shake your trust in people. I’m going to have to be cautious of people and the things they say and do. I promise that I will come out on top in all of this. I am still an optimist; this situation won’t change that for me at all. I won’t let it break me down any further than it already has. So thank you for being a coward. Thank you for doing what you did. Thank you for misusing my love and trust. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for breaking your promises. The hurt will eventually fade and so will any lasting thoughts of you. Ex-love, this is goodbye.

Happy :)

Valentine's Day Pt. 2

Well at least I am wishing people a happy one right!? lol

Valentine's Day

So Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. And guess what? I could care less! It's a day that suppose to be about showing the one you love that you love them right? A day to do something special for that person right? Well that's a crock of shit! Why do I have to wait one day out of the year for the person who is suppose to care about me to show me that he cares? Shouldn't Valentine's Day be every day? Why do so many women EXPECT so much one say a year and not expect anything any other time? How dumb are these chicks? Your man should tell you he loves you everyday (if that's how he feels about you). He should pamper you just because and not just because the calendar says Feb. 14th. You women are selling yourselves short. I have never been one to celebrate this so-called "holiday". If the guy I'm with decided he wants to buy me a gift, then mo power to him but I will not sit around expecting him to do something special on that one day. This damn "holiday" is to hyped up that everyone thinks they need to participate. My cousin said she's "anti-valentine's day". I feel her but I'm not opposed to people feeling the need to celebrate it, just opposed to women thinking that this day is the day their man needs to show them that he cares. So you won't hear me talking about "fuck love" because I think love is a beautiful thing. But FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY!

You. . .

The thought of YOU makes me smile
The things YOU do make me think
The way YOU are is a mystery

As each day passes YOU become more prominent
As each experience takes place I see in YOU more dominance

When the sun came up I wished YOU were here to share it
When the I went to bed last night I wished I had an old T-Shirt of YOUrs so I could wear it
When YOU're close to me I feel something deep
in the pit of my stomach that keep me from sleep

I don't know what it is and I won't try and guess
The pure pleasure I feel is worth every staggered breath
When I close my eyes I can still feel YOUr touch
The tremors my body makes are sometimes a little too much

One thing I know for sure is I like YOU around
Let's just see where this goes hopefully we won't drown

Let's stand by the shore YOU and I
Watching the waves rise and fall
Drawing our names in the sand
I watch YOU take my hand
And lead me to a quiet spot
Where we remain until the sun sets

YOU know what YOU want
I just haven't figure YOU out yet!

HAPPY NEW YEAR. . .

I don't know who reads this and honestly I don't care if anyone does. Another new year and this one I am ready for. The last one passed me by so quickly it's kind of like it never took place. The end of last year, well december was a good month. Even tho I was broke and I couldn't do alot as far as gifts were concerned, I loved being with my family and friends. Seeing my nieces and nephews open theirs gifts was a joy to me. One friend that I have known for a over 2 years now became a different type of friend to me lol. I don't know what that means really. I am just enjoying whatever it is and not expecting anything. Going with the flow of things is what I am doing. I do hope that's mutual. There have been no lines or boundries and I like that. This person puts a smile on my face on a regular basis. They have always done that but now the smile is a little different. The day dreams are little more vivid. I am really enjoying life right now. Me and my many flaws are gonna rock 2007 to the fullest. This will be the start of limitless possiblities. I'm just ready. So lets get it!

JUST ME. . .

IS ALL I CAN EVER BE. . .