Happy :)

Valentine's Day Pt. 2

Well at least I am wishing people a happy one right!? lol

Valentine's Day

So Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. And guess what? I could care less! It's a day that suppose to be about showing the one you love that you love them right? A day to do something special for that person right? Well that's a crock of shit! Why do I have to wait one day out of the year for the person who is suppose to care about me to show me that he cares? Shouldn't Valentine's Day be every day? Why do so many women EXPECT so much one say a year and not expect anything any other time? How dumb are these chicks? Your man should tell you he loves you everyday (if that's how he feels about you). He should pamper you just because and not just because the calendar says Feb. 14th. You women are selling yourselves short. I have never been one to celebrate this so-called "holiday". If the guy I'm with decided he wants to buy me a gift, then mo power to him but I will not sit around expecting him to do something special on that one day. This damn "holiday" is to hyped up that everyone thinks they need to participate. My cousin said she's "anti-valentine's day". I feel her but I'm not opposed to people feeling the need to celebrate it, just opposed to women thinking that this day is the day their man needs to show them that he cares. So you won't hear me talking about "fuck love" because I think love is a beautiful thing. But FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY!

You. . .

The thought of YOU makes me smile
The things YOU do make me think
The way YOU are is a mystery

As each day passes YOU become more prominent
As each experience takes place I see in YOU more dominance

When the sun came up I wished YOU were here to share it
When the I went to bed last night I wished I had an old T-Shirt of YOUrs so I could wear it
When YOU're close to me I feel something deep
in the pit of my stomach that keep me from sleep

I don't know what it is and I won't try and guess
The pure pleasure I feel is worth every staggered breath
When I close my eyes I can still feel YOUr touch
The tremors my body makes are sometimes a little too much

One thing I know for sure is I like YOU around
Let's just see where this goes hopefully we won't drown

Let's stand by the shore YOU and I
Watching the waves rise and fall
Drawing our names in the sand
I watch YOU take my hand
And lead me to a quiet spot
Where we remain until the sun sets

YOU know what YOU want
I just haven't figure YOU out yet!

HAPPY NEW YEAR. . .

I don't know who reads this and honestly I don't care if anyone does. Another new year and this one I am ready for. The last one passed me by so quickly it's kind of like it never took place. The end of last year, well december was a good month. Even tho I was broke and I couldn't do alot as far as gifts were concerned, I loved being with my family and friends. Seeing my nieces and nephews open theirs gifts was a joy to me. One friend that I have known for a over 2 years now became a different type of friend to me lol. I don't know what that means really. I am just enjoying whatever it is and not expecting anything. Going with the flow of things is what I am doing. I do hope that's mutual. There have been no lines or boundries and I like that. This person puts a smile on my face on a regular basis. They have always done that but now the smile is a little different. The day dreams are little more vivid. I am really enjoying life right now. Me and my many flaws are gonna rock 2007 to the fullest. This will be the start of limitless possiblities. I'm just ready. So lets get it!

JUST ME. . .

IS ALL I CAN EVER BE. . .

You already have the answers. . .

At times the wind blows in directions that are unknown
Pulling you toward an existence that you had not planned
Mimicing the ones other have lived
Taking you further away from life as you knew it

At times the wind blows toward the unfamiliar
Feeling as though you have lost your way
Yet nothing is certain

Other times the wind blows toward fate
Leaving you to question the unquestionable
Leaving you to ponder the unthinkable
Mesmerized by what you find awaiting your arrival

Ask question you already know the answers to
What?
Who?
Really?
YES!

Liar Liar pt.2

I just posted a blog and when I was done it erased. I was venting and now its gone. I think its good to get things off your chest. The blog I was posting was about Lying. The fact that I hate liars and I think lies are unforgivable. I don't even recall all that my blog consisted of. This is WACK!!! But I hate liars with a passion. They can all stay the fuck away from me. I guess that was the gist of it. And IM done!

2006!

Its 2006! A new year. Should be filled with new things. New people, new adventures. My new year will not start off with a resolution. Those are meant to be broken and the last thing I do is break and promise especially to myself. So what I will say is that I will make an effort to be a better me. Live healthier, happier, enjoy life a little more. Im too young to let life pass me by, so all I can do is catch up. I dont mind coming in last as long as I finish.

Questions.. .

There have been times when I couldnt decide if Love was Love or Lust?
If life was left to be travled by aimless souls?
If people were truely as spiteful as they let their souls radiate
or was that just evil tryiing to pull them toward unforgiving darkness?
Is everything the way it seems?
IS there something we're all hiding as not to expose our true selves?
The self who hurts, loves, cries, fears?
Maybe there are no answers to questions only choices.
choose to be you, choose to be like others, choose to live right, choose to live wrong choose to just be. . .

for now. . . I'll just BE!

Please. . .

I know that we are a country built on anything other than giving. I know that if things dont affect us directly we could care less. I know that we can pretend to care about what goes on in the lives of others but please. . .



do whatever you can to help those affected by Katrina. I have family there and I know others do too. This may not effect you directly but it should. It should make you think, " what if someone i know is lost out there?" I know I do. My little sister and grandmother made it back to california safely from there but others are not as lucky. Pray\ talk to whatever higher being you believe in and ask them\he\she\it to have mercy on those who are suffering through this.

Thank You for reading

R.I.P Big Pops

On Saterday July 16th my self and my family had to buarry my grandfather. I can honestly say that thus far, this has been one of the saddest days of my life. Its been almost 2 weeks and I still am not back to my normal self. My Grandmother is not coping with the loss well at all. I dont see how she could. After 52 years of marrige, she's lost her soulmate, her life partner, her bestfriend.The sorrow I feel is nothing compared to what she is going throught. I will miss him dearly. I talk to him daily. I feel that he is constantly watching over me and my family. God gained a wonderful soldier when he took my pops. I know we'll all see him again and his pain is gone. I love you Pops and I always will.

What a stressfilled day. . .

Today was kind of crazy for me. I woke up early this morning for no reason at all. I was off today. My sister Toni rang the doorbell this morning at 8something. My other sister Toi answered the door and Toni fell into Toi's arms and told her she was about to have a seizure. Toi screamed for me and I jumped out of my bed and ran to the door. I saw what was going on and I yelled for my brother to come help. After that I ran into the kitchen and dialed 911. They tried to keep me calm but it wasnt so easy to do. Im sure I yelled at a few people before we hung up. The ambulance comes and hooks Toni, then they take her away. My brother and I hop in my car and meet them at the hospital. My brother, my sisters husband and I wait for about an hour and a half before any of us can see her. So that was my morning. Toni's ok. They let her go about 1 or so and she slept until about 4. All seemed well on the home front until about 2 hours ago my mother came into my room and told me my Big Pops was sick and my Grandmother had to take him to the hospital. She said he had a fever of 103 and when he got to the hospital he had a seizure. My sister has a history of seizures by my Pop does not and he's older. Im just praying he pulls through this one. My grandmother and pops have been married for 51 years. I think she might not pull through this if he doesnt make it. I need prayers from anyones whos eyes fall upon this page.

Thanks in advance

Saturday Night. . . .

. . . . Well I guess it's really sunday morning, but anyway, I had a pretty good time tonite. Nothing went as planned but I still had a good time. I decided to just let Juanita go to our friends birthday dinner. Im not really good around a bunch of people I dont know, or care to know. So i didnt go. The plan of bowling was still a good one until we got there and found out the wait was an hour. After that we drove to the only other bowling alley I knew of in that area and it was gone completely. Torn down with nothing replacing it. I hoped in Shawnies car and road with her to take her sister back to her dorm. Once we dropped her off, to the Moxie we went. It was nice at 1st, even tho they charged us 5 bucks to get in there. Come to find out, it was t-shirt and panties night. I've never seen anything like that in my life. A bunch of big broads in their bloomers. Not even sexy underware, the very large kind no man wants to see. This was only the start of what was an interesting evening. There were large stinky men in there, even larger stinky women, it was hot as hell in there and on top of all of that there was no place to even move an elbow in there let alone dance. We saw a woman get finger fucked on the dance floor, and a woman get eatten out on the dance floor.This all explained why the dance floor smelled like nasty vagina. That is when we decided it was time for her to drop me back off at my car. I wont be attending anything at the Moxie any time soon. Im turned off by the club and by large women in general. They make it look back those of us plus size women who would never stoop so low. I had a wonderful time before all of that tho. I got to dance and act a fool with my buddy. We just have to find another place to go dancin.


I wore a shirt tonite that said, " Please dont interupt me while im ignoring you" It worked for the most part :)

I found my friend . . .

He and I finally had a decent conversation. I enjoyed it. Seemed like he listened to my logic and responded to it very well. I dont mean to pop my own collar but, I do know what Im talking about for the most part. Its good tho, because I see who he was before I ever knew him, and I see who he might be again. All I can do is wish him luck and hope that he takes my advice and woo's the woman he loves. Oh and by the way, I never thought u didnt like me, and I never thought u were comparing me because I compare to no one. I just need you to follow your heart, It will never betray you. Consult with a higher power and all your questions will be answered for you as soon a he feels you'll heed his advice.

Long weekend ahead. . .

Man this weekend is looking like its going to be a long one. I have to drive to glendale for the next 2 days. On saterday after glendale, I have a dinner party to go to at 7 and bowling later on that evening. Sunday I have no plans but im sure something will come up. Monday I'm officially in the office. That is the one thing I am really looking forward to. No more babysitting customer service reps, Im lovin it!
On another note, my "Friend" still isnt my friend like he used to be yet, but I'm looking forward to him being the same again one day soon. Like I've stated previously, I'm not one to label people my friend unless I feel they are worthy of the title. I still think he's worthy, he my just prove me wrong. If he is, I hope he'll do so sooner than later.