The hurt. . .

Sitting here listening to music. Everything sounds like a sad love song to me. I should be working but what is work right now? Nothing really makes sense to me. I let myself get over him with optimism. I believed that what was meant to be would be eventually and if not, it just want meant to be at all. But to find out it was all a big lie just hurts. I would have loved to hold on to the imagined truth that it all ended on a good note. That he was actually a good person. That what we once shared some something real and true. It wasn't. It was like a big joke and I was the butt of it all. So my emotions are changing. I went from calm to sad and now I am just angry. I think I deserve and explanation. I spent time building something that fell apart. Maybe I need to work on my architectural skills. I know there is nothing about me that needs to change. I just keep meeting the wrong partners. It would be really easy for me to turn into the biggest bitch and blow off every guy who glanced at me. But I still don't think all men are dogs. I think all the men I've messed with where fucked up! Had nothing to do with me. You know when things don't work out the way you plan them you start to question whether things went downhill because of something you did. I refuse to blame myself! I stayed true threw all of this. I just wish yesterday didn't happen. I wish she never called me. I wish she had suffered in silence. I wish my heart wasn't aching. I wish I could cry this way. I just wish. But wishing doesn't work. This has to be part of his plan for me. Maybe something really good will come of all of this. I got rid of the cancer and I think I will remain in remission as long as he's on the other side of the country. Things like this do shake your trust in people. I’m going to have to be cautious of people and the things they say and do. I promise that I will come out on top in all of this. I am still an optimist; this situation won’t change that for me at all. I won’t let it break me down any further than it already has. So thank you for being a coward. Thank you for doing what you did. Thank you for misusing my love and trust. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for breaking your promises. The hurt will eventually fade and so will any lasting thoughts of you. Ex-love, this is goodbye.